James Diamond Lies To Himself
by greendaylegacy
Summary: James wears a mask that only Kendall can see through. WARNINGS: Smut, cursing, and a shitton of chocolate ice cream.


A/N: Well! Hello there, new readers! I am SafariMartie, and this is my first Big Time Rush fic. :D  
>Please read and review accordingly. This will forever stay a one-shot, but I believe that there will be multi-chapter stories inna future.<p>

Warnings: Do NOT read if you are against homo-erotic love. Swearing, angst, and fluff.

Disclaimer: I have 40 dollars! Can I buy it…? *silence* So that's a no, then.

James Diamond Lies To Himself.

I watched from the side of the pool as James walked past with two or three pretty girls on his arms.  
>Was it really so hard to believe that he was a fake?<br>A poser?  
>Brown eyes were light with fake laughter as he slipped off his shirt, revealing finely chiseled muscles and bronzed-to-perfection skin.<br>My toes made ripples in the water as I sat by myself.

"Kendall?" My head snapped up.

It was Carlos.  
>He had his big, goofy grin plastered across his face.<p>

"Come on, bro. You gotta get in the pool sometime!" He giggled as Logan dive-bombed him with a water balloon.

I smiled back, shrugging a little.

"I will in a minute." I replied, not unkindly.

Carlos was nice.  
>100% genuine.<br>He was the jokester, the minority, was the one that had always been picked on when we were young.  
>He didn't let anything bother him.<p>

Caramel-colored eyes crinkled with happiness.

"Great! Believe that I'm gonna win today's water-gun fight!"

He dashed off after Logan, super soaker at the ready.

My gaze travelled back to James.  
>He was sitting on one of the water benches, watching boredly as the girls played in water in front of him.<br>When he didn't think anyone was looking, the cracks in his perfect armor showed.  
>I was always looking.<p>

I stood and lifted my shirt over my head, feeling the cool breeze hit my bare skin.  
>Tossing it on my chair, I dove in the water.<p>

Sure, James was my friend, but he'd never feel the same.  
>Ever.<br>I surfaced.

-James' POV-

I needed out.  
>All of these girls were whores.<br>Disgusting.  
>Whores.<p>

"All right ladies. I think I'm going to head on back up to the hotel now. See you later?"

Their faces fell.

"Awh, c'mon, Jamie. Just a little bit longer?"

"Or do you want one of us to...come up with you?"

"Maybe all of us?"

I smiled painfully, shaking my head.

"No, I need to get some rest. Gustavo said he had plans for us tonight."

I pried them off me gently, wishing I could just rip their faces off.  
>Stepping out of the pool, I dried myself and put my shirt back on.<p>

I waved bye to Logan and Carlos, smiling at their mini-WWIII.

Where was Kendall?  
>I looked around inconspicuously for the smaller, lighter haired boy.<br>He was sitting in the shallow end, looking up at the vast expanse of sky.  
>That was going to give him crow's feet.<p>

I sighed at my own shallowness.

What was I talking about, Kendall's future crow's feet like he wouldn't be beautiful anyway?  
>I wish I was like him.<br>Beautiful, I mean.  
>All natural-like.<br>I had to straighten my impossibly wavy hair, go tanning, and do all of these material actions to make myself beautiful.  
>Hell, I'd even had to have braces.<br>Kendall was just…Kendall.

I walked up to the hotel, and took the elevator up to my room.  
>I'd keep my secrets and feelings to myself.<p>

I opened my door, slipped inside, and let everything fall away.  
>Off went my clingy, sexy black tank top and swim shorts.<br>On went my sweats and an old blue shirt I'd had forever.  
>My perfect hair was messed up as I ran my hands through it, making it stick up it weird ways.<br>I dug around in my freezer for a tub of chocolate chunk ice cream.

I put Mean Girls in my DVD player, and flopped on the couch, shoving my face.  
>James Diamond, lazing sloth extraordinaire.<p>

I let myself be immersed in the movie.

-Kendall's POV-

I wrapped my towel around my waist, shivering.  
>Carlos grinned devilishly.<p>

"I win again!" He crowed, flailing his water gun in the air.

I shook my head, laughing.

"I'm hungry, guys. I'm gonna go eat something."

Logan gave Carlos' back a long, lingering look before throwing a water balloon at it.

"Find James while you're at it. He's been inside for a while." The intelligent boy said, dodging water and Carlos' fists. "I'm worried he might be practicing sexy faces in the mirror again."

I nodded, wiggling my toes into my flipflops and walking into the hotel.

"You're _dripping _all over my _floor!"_ Mr. Bitters exclaimed.

I laughed manically and made a dash for the elevator.  
>Pushing the button for my floor, I waited.<p>

I was a little worried about James too.  
>He'd never gone this long without making some sort of contact with anyone.<p>

I exited the elevator, turning down the hallway to James' room instead of heading to my own.

I could hear the sounds from a movie, and a little bit of sniffling.

"James?" I called, turning the doorknob and stepping inside.

My eyes went wide.

-James' POV-

"P-please don't judge me right now." I sniffled through a mouthful of ice cream.

It was catastrophic.  
>Empty ice cream cartons were piling on the floor.<br>My hair was a mess.  
>My eyes were red and puffy from crying.<br>Discarded chick flicks were in a semi-stack next to the coffee table.  
>A blanket was tangled in my legs, and I rubbed my eyes with it quickly.<p>

Kendall made a face like he didn't quite understand what I said.

"_Judge _you?" He murmured. "Jamie, why would I ever do that?"

I shrugged my shoulders miserably.  
>He strode across the room and pushed aside ice cream cartons to scoop me into his lap.<br>Tears trailed down my cheeks as he held me close.

"Shh, calm down, James. I've got you. I'm here." He stroked my back soothingly.

Somehow, that just made it worse because I knew he was just being a good friend.  
>I started bawling and completely snotting all over Kendall's shirt.<p>

He lifted my chin and forced me to look in his aqua blue eyes.

"Why are you sad, Jamie?" It was a question that demanded an answer.

I took a deep, shaky breath.

"I'msadbecauseI'mnotbeautifullikeyou." I said in one breath, hiding behind my fingers.

He was silent for a few minutes.  
>My heart sank as he began laughing quietly.<p>

"Beautiful like me? What do you mean?" His voice was shaking.

"I-I'm not beautiful.."

Kendall pulled my hands away from my face and captured my lips in a deep kiss.

-Kendall's POV-

I kissed him.  
>It was like…I don't even know.<p>

Chocolatey.  
>Very chocolatey.<p>

And wet.  
>But that was because he was crying so hard.<p>

It was also the greatest feeling I think I've ever had.

I was very surprised James didn't pull away.  
>If anything, he held me closer.<p>

"Jamie, no." I breathed, resting my forehead against his and rubbing his back. "You are so beautiful. More than me. So much more than me."

His brown eyes were wide and vulnerable.  
>His hair was all messy, but I thought it was cute.<p>

"Only when I fix myself up." He whispered, sniffling.

I shook my head and kissed his temple.

"Even like this. You are the most beautiful when you _don't _fix yourself up." I murmured, squeezing him a little.

James chewed his bottom lip. "Really?" He looked doubtful.

I stood with him in my arms, and carried him back to his room.  
>I lay him on the bed.<p>

"Would you like me to show you?"

He blushed madly when I straddled his hips and kissed the hollow of his throat.

"T-that would be nice." James whispered between my kisses.

Who was I to deny him anything?

He sat up a little so I could take off his shirt faster.  
>My breath left me as I explored his chest, planting a kiss <em>there<em>, licking a little scar_ there_.

"Christ, James. You are gorgeous." I said in hushed awe, looking up at him.

He just shook his head and smiled sadly.  
>I frowned a little, dipping my tongue in his bellybutton.<br>He gasped and I watched with satisfaction as his eyelids fluttered.  
>I trailed light kisses all long the waistband of his sweatpants.<p>

"A-ah, Kendall…" James whimpered.

I smiled and licked up the bulge in his sweats.  
>He arched his back, lifting his hips in the direction of my mouth.<p>

"Kenny, _please!"_

I slid his pants off and sucked the sensitive skin of his thighs.

"Are you sure, Jamie?" I whispered, my mouth watering at the sight of James' fully hard dick.

His response was an aching moan.  
>I leaned forward and took his member in my mouth.<p>

"O-Oh my fucking God, Kendall!" James cried, his fingers tangling in my hair.

I hummed, swirling my tongue around the head of his hardness.  
>He moaned, pulling my hair.<p>

"I-I'm gonna come!" He whined, and I stopped immediately, pulling back.

James growled, confused.

"What the hell, Kenny?" He sat up, and fast too.

I just smiled and began taking off my own clothes.

"Calm down, babe. The show's not over yet."

James chewed his bottom lip, blushing a little.  
>It was SO damn cute.<p>

"I-I'm sorry, Kendall." He said softly.

I chuckled and lay him back down, giving a soft gasp as his hands travelled all over my chest.

"You're fine, baby." I reached for the lotion James had on his bedside table.

Wiggling it in my hand, I raised an eyebrow.

"What?" He whispered. "I have dry elbows!"

I laughed softly, slicking up two of my fingers.

"Just relax, Jamie. This'll feel good in a minute, I swear."

-James' POV-

I chewed my bottom lip anxiously as Kendall spread my legs and kissed me softly.  
>I felt something weird enter me, and my inner muscles tightened reflexively.<p>

"F-feels weird, Kenny." I murmured, my breath coming in short gasps.

He stroked the side of my face, and I leaned into his palm.

"I know, beautiful. It'll pass." He said, his blue eyes soft.

I sighed, squirming for a couple more minutes.  
>Then, Kendall began moving his finger, and I gasped with absolute pleasure.<p>

He smiled and added another finger, this time scissoring them.

I arched my back.  
>Jesus, that felt good.<p>

"Mm, I need you in me, Kendall."

He looked at me, cocking his head to the side.

"Are you sure? We can take this slow, if you want to."

I nodded, arching my hips upward as he pulled out his fingers and covered his cock in the lotion.  
>Kendall flipped me on my stomach.<p>

"On your knees, please." He singsonged.

I did as he said, and hugged one of my pillows.

"Just remember to relax, Jamie. It'll feel good faster, I promise." He kissed my shoulder and my jaw dropped as he pushed into me.

Sweet baby Jesus Christ.  
>It felt like I was being ripped in half.<p>

Kendall leaned down and began singing to me softly, sweetly.

"Look, baby. It's alright. I've got you in my arms. We'll fight this forever, together. When you're alone, listen to this song. My voice is your imaginary friend." He crooned softly, stroking my back and kissing what he could reach.

I slowly relaxed my body, shivering and forcing myself to calm down.  
>This was Kendall.<br>He was trying to make me feel like I'd died and gone to heaven.

My wussness was putting a bit of a damper on things.

"Kenny, please m-move." I breathed, gritting my teeth.

I heard him exhale. "Are you sure?"

That seemed to be all he could say tonight.

"_Yes, _I'm sure. I want you to fuck me, Kendall. Hard."

Kendall gave a soft moan, and began rocking his hips.  
>Oh my god.<br>Oh my god.

Oh my freaking god.

I gasped and whined with pleasure.  
>Yes, this felt good, but I needed <em>more <em>of him.

"Kenny, harder, _faster, __**please.**_"

He gave a very responsive growl.

"I've been waiting to hear you say that. Hold on, Jamie. This is gonna feel great."

He began to thrust hard and deep inside of me, and his cock brushed up against something that made me see stars.

"_Oh my god, Kendall! R-RIGHT THERE!"_

He pounded into that spot, making me feel like I was going insane.  
>Died and gone to heaven, indeed.<p>

-Kendall's POV-

James David Diamond was absolutely, without a doubt, the most beautiful thing on the planet.  
>I flipped him on his back, so I could see his face.<p>

His head turned to the side as he rolled his hips in time with mine.  
>I reached down and took his neglected member in my hand and began pumping it quickly.<p>

He screamed out, sobbing with pleasure.

"Kenny, I…I…." James whined, arching his back.

I leaned in to kiss him.

"Let go for me, Jamie. I have you. You're all mine."

He squeezed his eyes shut and let loose a long, ecstatic cry, covering my hand with his cum.  
>Just like that, I gave a few more thrusts before spilling all I had inside of him.<p>

I panted softly, adjusting so that I was on the bottom, and James could collapse against my chest.  
>His brown eyes were glazed over with contentment, and I sighed when he captured my lips in his.<p>

"How long have you known?" He whispered.

I wrinkled my forehead, stroking his jawbone gently.

"What do you mean, baby?"

He gave a shy little smile and cuddled into my chest. "How long have you known that you loved me?"

My eyebrows rose.  
>I ran a hand through his now-not-so-perfect-hair.<p>

"For a real long time, Jamie. I can't remember ever not loving you."

James gave a big, beautiful smile.

"Good, cause I love you too."

I chuckled, holding him close.

"Do you believe me now?"

It was his turn to frown curiously.  
>I kissed him lovingly.<p>

"You're beautiful." I whispered quietly.

He blushed.

"You make me feel beautiful."

I'd have kissed him again, but he gave a long, undeniably cute yawn.

"My baby is sleepy?" I murmured, laying James on the bed next to me and wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Mhm. Love you." He mumbled, burying his face in my shoulder.

I smiled, hearing the sudden change in his breathing.

"I love you too, James." I kissed his temple chastely, and fell asleep as well.

A/N: Oh my lanta, that took two whole freaking eternities. Two. I hope you all like it, because fuck me if I'm doing that again for awhile. Anyhoo, the song Kendall sang to James was a little something I wrote. Yeah. Be jelly. Reviews make me happy panda! Night, babies!


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